Trauma Recovery with Havening Techniques

According to Medical News Today,

“Havening Technique is an alternative therapy that uses touch, eye movements, and other sensory inputs to reduce stress, anxiety, and discomfort.

Its developers originally called it amygdala repotentiation therapy because they believed it changed how the amygdala of the brain processes emotions. They claimed the technique creates an internal safe haven, allowing a person to reprocess and eventually escape emotional and physical pain”.

I have completed the training in Havening Techniques and am so enjoying sharing this powerful healing modality with others as I am doing my certification.

Having experienced this technique myself and found it extremely powerful for anxiety and trauma, I can highly recommend it – so if this resonates with you then please do get in touch using the link below.

Havening Techniques

Havening is a psycho-sensory therapy – which means it uses pleasant psychological distraction techniques (including sound and eye movement) and relaxing touch.

The treatment itself is very calming, comforting and relaxing and can be done on Zoom.

It is important to note that the client does not have to go into detail about the event that contributed to their issues, if they do not wish to.

Lifelong stresses, phobias, worries and traumas can often be cleared completely and permanently.

 

It was created, researched and developed over a 10 year period by a renowned American medical doctor and neuroscientist called Dr. Ronald Ruden.

Dr Ruden discovered how traumatic memories get encoded in the brain and the specific area in the brain where they are encoded. From this he worked out how to remove the emotional and distressful symptoms from the memory or trauma.

His research has been hailed by many of his peers as one of the most significant ever breakthroughs in the fields of psychology & neuroscience.

 

When you do a Havening session with me, I will also show you how to use self-havening techniques to build on the results that you achieve with me in your sessions, so that you feel empowered to continue using this set of life enhancing techniques as and when you feel that you need to in your day-to-day life.

Paul McKenna PhD, Dr Daniel Amen, Dr Gabor Mate and many others are supporting this gentle yet powerful methodology.

 

Clients tend to focus on:

anxiety, panic attacks, trauma (including abuse, PTSD and c-PTSD), fear, phobias and stress related issues.

 

I look forward to sharing this modern technique with others to help to clear the effects of anxiety, stress and trauma.

Most clients work with me over a period of a few months and receive 4 – 7 sessions, depending on what they wish to work on.

 

‘Havening also known as Amygdala Depotentiation Therapy is going to change the face of therapy across the world’ – Paul McKenna 

For more info / enquire about working with me, please go to –

 https://ingriddarragh.com/traumasupport/

 

Ingrid Darragh

 

#haveningtechniques

#havening

#trauma

#ptsd

#traumarecovery

 

 

 

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How to make a vision board that works

One of the most powerful tools for applying the Law of Attraction is making a vision board.

“Your Vision Board is a tangible representation of where you are going – it represents your dreams, your goals and your ideal life. Have fun with it. Be creative. Include your favourite quotes and affirmations and words that uplift you and make you feel good – like Love and Joy” – Jack Canfield

What is the Law of Attraction

Put very simply, the law of attraction is the name given to the belief that “like attracts like” and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results.
Thoughts have an energy that attract like energy. In her book and movie called “The Secret” (2006), Rhonda Byrne tells us that in order to control this energy, you must practice three things:

  1. Ask – know what you want and ASK the universe / God for it
  2. Believe – have unwavering faith – know that the object of your desire is on its way
  3. Receive – be open to receiving it & know that you are worthy to receive it

This is known as Deliberate Creation – being able to create your own reality. This can be applied to your relationships, health, finances, career or any other aspect of your life.
Everything is energy and by choosing to think predominently positive thoughts, you will become a “Magnet”, attracting positive situations, people and things to you. Your thoughts become things.


Trust your instincts – practice listening to your inner voice. It will guide you and magnetically move you towards receiving what you asked for.
If you then break what you want down into small steps, you can focus on one step at a time, which is very manageable, as opposed to becoming overwhelmed by thinking of the entire project or end result that may feel huge to you.

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” – Martin Luther King

Getting clear on what you want

Vision Boards are a great way to manifest your ideal life. When you make a vision board, you get clear on what you want to create in your life. Once you have clarity, you select images, pictures and words from magazines and paste them on a big poster board. Seeing this board each day aligns your brain with the outcomes you most want to attract.

Oprah and Ellen Degeneres both swear by Vision boards and the late Louise Hay and Dr Wayne Dyer were also huge fans.
It sounds simple (and yes, there are tips and processes to make your Vision Board more powerful).

So why doesn’t everyone create Vision boards?
Well, most of us don’t make the time. We let our busy, distracted lives keep us – busy and distracted!

image of a vision that works

The Power of Focus
By choosing what to put onto your vision board, you are focusing on what is most important to you.
It should feel inspiring when you look at it and help you to feel motivated on a day to day basis.
The Power of Visualisation
By having a visual representation that you see daily of your hopes and dreams, you are utilising the power of the subconscious mind to help to make that a reality in your life.
The Power of Consistency
By placing your Vision board where you will see it every day, you are sending out those thoughts that are “rockets of desire” into the universe, and it is this repetition that helps to manifest the things that you truly want.

What NOT to do

  • Don’t get caught up in trying to make the “perfect” Vision board – think of it as a work in progress that you can update / add to
    • (Note – if perfectionism is showing up for you in relation to your vision board, it may be showing up in other areas of your life too. Perhaps it is time to look at that and make a shift to release it)
    • It is okay to have a few gaps on there – just get it 80% right and you can add to it as you go along
  • Don’t put pressure on yourself to get everything on your board done yesterday – use it as a tool to inspire and motivate you towards your goals and vision over a period of time (rather than using it as something to beat yourself up about!)
  • Don’t compare yourself to others – stay in your own lane and keep focused on your own priorities
  • Don’t play it safe – put some stretch goals on there that will require you to grow to be able to meet them
  • Be honest with yourself – what are your deepest hearts desires?
    • What would you love to have happen in your life – that feels like it is out of reach right now / too good to be true if it happened for you?
    • Put that on your board as a commitment to yourself – that this is important to you and a key priority that you want to manifest
  • Keep it close to your heart – do not tell too many people as this can actually slow down the manifestation process and they may try to “project” their own worries or fears onto you

Getting Started

  • Decide on how many boards you want
    • do you want one board for all areas of your life, or a few different ones? Having separate ones can feel less cluttered and help you to focus more clearly on your individual goals
    • For instance, one for your Personal goals and one for your Work / Career and financial goals
    • I like to have a Vision board for my short term goals over the next 6-12 months and a separate Dream Board which is specifically for my longer term goals – the ones that could take 5-10 years to achieve
  • Get your board / boards / and or book (if you are making a Vision book)
    • Water colour boards are good – as you can use both sides
    • Cork board
    • Fabric board – to pin things to
    • You can also put things on your fridge door / beside your bed – whatever inspires you!
    • Affirmations – you can put your favourite affirmations or Angel cards on your board and also in a nice frame and have this where you will see it each day
  • You can also use online apps to make a digital vision board –
    but there is something very powerful and magical about making your board and physically seeing it every day.
  • Take a pciture of your Vision board and set it as a screen saver – on your PC, laptop, tablet and phone

Vision of your Ideal Life

Reflect on how you want your Ideal life to be – review all areas of your life and how you want them to be over the next 1 – 3 years, then set your goals around that for the short, medium and longer term
(Note- this is a specific coaching exercise that I cover with my 1to1 clients and in my Manifesting Magic online course to Design your Ideal Life)

Key areas to reflect on / questions to focus on include:

  • Your personal values
  • Work and career goals
  • Love life / romantic partner
  • Family goals
  • Health and nutrition
  • Fitness and wellbeing
  • Environment – at work and at home
  • Ideal home / ideal car etc.
  • Hobbies & free time
  • Personal development goals
  • Places you want to visit / holidays you want to take
  • Key goals for the next 12 months
  • Spiritual goals & spiritual practices
  • Top 10 things you want to manifest this coming year
  • What ENERGISES you and brings you JOY – put these things on your board to inspire you
  • What it will LOOK like and FEEL like when these things happen (put these key words on your board as words or pictures)
  • How do you want to be of service – supporting others / giving back

Sourcing your Images

Images will be a key part of your vision board(s).
You can get your images from many sources, including:

  • Magazines
  • Pictures / quotes saved to your PC and printed as a photo
  • Photographs that you have taken
  • Your Pinterest board
  • Pages from a book
  • Brochures / flyers
  • Estate agents photos of houses you love
  • Car brochures
  • Holiday brochures
  • Anything that inspires you!
  • Use pritt stick glue, pins, tape or hot glue to attach your pics.
  • You can also add key words, printed from your PC, or you could use letter stickers or stencils
  • Use a combination of pictures and words on your board –
    • Pictures – stimulate the right side of the brain (visioning, creativity)
    • Words – stimulate the left side of the brain (analytical / logical)
    • Get both sides of your brain working for you!
  • I also add my favourite prayers, Angel cards and affirmations to mine


Prep Work

Start to gather up the things that you will need to make your board:

  • Scissors and glue
  • The board(s)
  • A special book to make a Vision book if you are making one
  • Magazines that are of interest to you
  • Photos
  • Brochures – from car showrooms, estate agents, travel agents etc.
  • Key words / stickers / stencils
  • Angel cards / affirmations

Make Your Board

  • Set aside some time when you will not be disturbed to make your board
  • Gather everything that you will need
  • Play some music if you like
  • Burn a candle / some incense and / or use some essential oils
  • Connect in – meditate or say a prayer
  • Call on your higher self/ whom you pray to for support
  • Let go of any stress or tension you may be holding in your body
  • Place your pictures, images and key words on your board
  • Organise them in a way that looks and feels good to you
  • Use your glue / tape / pins to attach them to the board
  • Note –
  • You can use an old magazine to lean on while gluing, so you don’t get glue everywhere
  • Don’t worry about getting it “wrong” – if something does not look right, you can simply remove it from the board, or glue another picture on top of it later on
  • You may not get it finished in one sitting – be open to adding to it over time

Place your board in a sacred place

Your board is sacred – it holds your deepest desires and wishes.
Once it is ready, put your board where you will see it every day – for instance in your bedroom, or beside your desk if it is your work / career goals.
I like to place my Vision board with my short-term goals (over the next 6-12 months) right beside by bed at eye level, so it is the first thing that I see each morning when I open my eyes and also the last thing that I see before going to sleep. This helps to remind me to make my Mind Movies (see below).
Take some time each day to make a Mind Movie – of how it will look and how you will feel when these things manifest in your life (ideally, spend at least 10 mins in the morning and 10 mins in the evening doing this). Also, by seeing your Vision board last thing at night, you are sending signals to your brain to say “I want this!”

  • Remember to act as if – it has already manifested
  • Offer a thought / prayer of gratitude as if it has already happened in your life
  • Trust in the divine timing of your life – some things may manifest relatively quickly, some may take some time
  • Be open to something even better happening for you – beyond your current expectation or belief of what is possible for you

You could add this text to your Vision board if it resonates with you:

“This or something better, in line with the highest good of all, under grace, in perfect ways. Thank you, thank you, thank you”

Going forward

It is a good idea to make a new Vision board once a year, with your NEW vision, goals and key areas of focus as you continue to evolve and expand.
Keep your old vision boards – to look back and remind yourself of your progress and how far you have come over the years.

Happy manifesting!

 

Ingrid Darragh is a Spiritual Coach, Author and Emotional Healing Expert, working with clients worldwide in her Coaching practice and also in her online courses. 

 

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What is a Twin Flame and what is Soulmate love?

Firstly, lets look at what is a Soulmate, so that we can make important distinctions between a Soulmate and a Twin Flame relationship.

What is a Soulmate?

We have many soulmates – these are souls within our soul family. We can have many lifetimes with a soulmate and through our relationships with them we learn, evolve and grow. This can include romantic relationships, but also siblings, parent – child relationships, friends and even special work colleagues.

As we come together over various lifetimes, it can be like gathering to perform in a play each time, with each soul family member coming together and acting out a role in this “play”, which represents this lifetime. The soul that plays the cheating husband this time, may return to play the loving wife in the next lifetime, to balance out the karma between these two souls and to repay their karmic debt.

There is a deep love between soulmates and a spiritual bond that is special and unique. Our many soulmates come into our lives to help us to grow and to awaken spiritually.

Happy ever after… or worst nightmare?

Some people will get their happy ever after with a soulmate relationship, some will not. It depends on what your soul has signed up for in this lifetime and what the other person’s soul has signed up for.

If your soul has signed up for a higher spiritual purpose in this lifetime, then you may be destined to share the kind of soulmate love that “brings in the lessons” as opposed to a happy ever after.

“People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention, so you can change your life. A true soulmate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.”

Elizabeth Gilbert – Author of Eat, Pray, Love

It is very likely that it will be a soulmate (rather than a twin flame) who will bring in the biggest challenges in your life – such as: abusive behaviour, betrayal, lying, cheating, or abandonment or bereavement.

Of course, there is vast spiritual learning and growth that will come out of these situations. It is up to you to transform this pain into power, to learn how to forgive, to heal from what happened and to come back to a place of love, compassion and understanding – to make what happened to you make sense in the greater divine plan of your life.

I have worked with thousands of clients in my Coaching and Healing practice over the past 12 years to support them through their dark nights of the soul and to look for the meaning in the situations that they faced and to take the learning and the lessons forward with them.

During my Life Coaching training with Coach U in the states, we were always taught to “look within”, so I applied this to my own life when going through a very difficult divorce. I would take some time for reflection and ask myself, “What can I learn from this?” and “What do I need to do / how do I need to change & grow in relation to this?”

I took responsibility for how I needed to change and grow as a person, to be ready to attract in the loving, intimate, respectful, trusting, responsible, self-aware, open-hearted, spiritual, emotionally intelligent partner that I so deeply desired. Of course, I needed to be all these things first, to be an energetic match to attract this great partner into my life.

This involved a great deal of personal work – for instance:

  • healing my past hurts
  • increasing my levels of self-awareness
  • being aware when I was projecting something towards another person that was actually about me
  • noticing when I was going into fear, rather than focusing on love
  • knowing when I was self-sabotaging myself or holding myself back in some way
  • working to dissolve my ego behaviours (such as going into drama, or allowing pride to surface)
  • being willing to be authentic and be myself (rather than what the other person wanted or expected of me)
  • having healthy personal boundaries and being able to express these in strong yet kind and loving ways
  • sharing agape love (loving without conditions or expecting something in return)
  • being able to deal with anger and confrontation in lovingly assertive ways
  • sharing my deepest truth, even if this felt uncomfortable at times
  • being able to share my feelings (holding nothing back) and willing to be vulnerable
  • holding my partners hopes and dreams in my heart, making them as precious and as important as my own hopes and dreams

What is a Twin Flame?

A Twin Flame is said to be the “other half” of your soul. We each only have one twin and each go our separate ways – incarnating over and over again to experience life and learn lessons in human form.

Prior to incarnating, your soul chooses the experiences that you will have in each lifetime based on the lessons that you need for your soul’s overall progression and spiritual growth. We also have free will, so we can choose how we react to these experiences and make choices on the other aspects of our life that are not so predetermined.

Will I connect with my Twin Flame in this lifetime?

We are experiencing a mass awakening of human consciousness on the planet at this time, which is allowing more twin flames to come together. Twin flames are brought together for spiritual work – this is their main reason for coming together – to help humanity / the planet in some way.

The more spiritually evolved that you are and the more lessons that your soul has mastered in this lifetime the more likely you are to connect with your twin flame in this lifetime and build a happy, compatible and mutually fulfilling relationship together. Healing from your past hurts and transcending your ego will also support a successful soul reunion.

Attributes of a twin flame relationship include:

  1. Each person will take responsibility for their own shadow work and will have done a significant amount of personal development and have a high level of self-awareness, taking responsibility for anything that surfaces in the relationship and for resolving the issue
  2. Both will be willing to be vulnerable and will have transcended most of their ego and come from a place of humility and be focused on being of service to humanity and the planet
  3. Each will be committed to living their soul’s life purpose and making the world a better place in some way
  4. There is a high degree of authenticity and a feeling of being able to show up as your true self – there is no space for pride, ego or mind games in this type of relationship
  5. There is a feeling of soul expansion and a love that is beyond merely physical and this is underpinned with deep intimacy, trust and mutual respect
  6. There is a sense of ease and even bliss in the connection – each person’s greatest joy is seeing the other person happy and fulfilled and this is reciprocated by their partner
  7. Each person takes responsibility for their own happiness and fulfilment – the other person enhances your life, but is not the sole source of your happiness
  8. One or both will have a strong channel to connect to spirit and there may be a telepathic connecting at times
  9. Each person’s growth and awakening can be accelerated by coming together – like you are more of who you are by the connection that you share
  10. The union will connect you to a higher consciousness than ever before and will release even more creative energy that you can use to support your spiritual purpose – such as writing, creating music, teaching classes, working with clients, blogging, podcasts, setting up a healing centre etc

Successful or unsuccessful reunion?

There may be some conditioning and barriers to communication to be overcome before coming together – for instance one or both people may need to learn how to feel more comfortable with vulnerability and sharing their feelings and being more open with their emotions. This was certainly the case in the case studies in my book  Divine Love – from soulmate lessons to twin flame reunion. In these instances, it was the men that needed to overcome this (but I have also found this to be the case with some of the women that I have worked with, as they had been conditioned by society and their culture to be “strong” and to not show their emotions).

It is also beneficial to balance your masculine and your feminine energy within the self first – this  helps to support the reunion – the coming together of two emotionally mature, enlightened and balanced souls – which are also connected to God/source. It can help to seek out a Mentor, Coach, Spiritual teacher / Healer that can support you on your journey to awakening and this will also support your soul reunion.

Not all twin flames will unite physically in their current lifetime on the earth plane. Again, it depends on what your souls have agreed to and how evolved each person is spiritually and whether each is prepared to do the inner work to create the foundation required to prepare for the soul reunion.

It is important to note that a twin flame connection may feel like the soulmate relationship that brings in the lessons – if one or both people have not yet healed their hurts or if ego thoughts are coming up and are not being held in awareness and lovingly transformed. That is why it is so important to put the time and effort into healing your past hurts and transforming your pain back into power and ultimately to return to Divine Love as your state of being. Having said that, there is NO EXCUSE for a toxic or abusive relationship – more on that in my previous blog post How to Heal from a Toxic Ex.

I wish you every blessing on your journey to experience and connect with divine love of the self, with healing and forgiving every past hurt, learning the lessons from your soul relationships, transforming the ego, connecting with true love and radiating divine love into the world – for this is indeed your divine inheritance.

Please do reach out to me if you feel guided to contact me for Coaching support in this area of your life.

Ingrid Darragh is a Relationship Coach, Master EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Practitioner, Usui Reiki Master Teacher, Angel intuitive and Author – As featured on Hay House Radio and EFT Radio.

Ingrid is passionate about supporting people to heal from past hurts and traumas and to fulfil their highest potential and to connect with deeper levels of love than ever before.

Divine Love – from Soulmate lessons to Twin Flame reunion is available on Amazon (paperback and Kindle version) and includes her Forgiveness Process to overcome and transcend past hurts.

Subscribe to Ingrid’s Awakening Hearts blog for regular updates and guest blogs.

Other Posts By Ingrid

Trauma Recovery with Havening Techniques

How to make a vision board that works

What is a Twin Flame and what is Soulmate love?

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The Awakening Man: A Portrait of Possibility for Humankind, by Jeff Brown

I am delighted to share this Guest Blog by Jeff Brown – “The Awakening Man”. Thank you, Jeff, for all that you do to support humanity with our awakening. 

The awakening man is conscious, heartfully defined. Through his eyes, being conscious is not a cerebral construct, nor an intellectual exercise bereft of feeling. It is a felt experience, an ever-expanding awareness that moves from the heart outward. It is feeling God, not thinking God. The new man is always in process, awakening through a deepening interface with the world of feeling. He continues to strive for a more heartfelt and inclusive awareness.

The awakening man has shifted his focus from a localized and ethnocentric perspective to a world-centric framework of perception. His community is humanity. Rooted in the relational, his sense of responsibility extends well beyond his localized self and community. Where possible, his choice-making is fuelled by an expansive vision of possibility for all of humankind. Not every man for himself, but every man for humanity.

He celebrates the wonder that is woman

The awakening man has reverence for the divine feminine, in all her forms. He celebrates the wonder that is woman. He is respectful, honouring and gracious. He is saddened by the horrors perpetuated against women by the malevolent masculine. He holds his brothers accountable. He makes amends for his own misdeeds. He co-creates a world where all women will feel safe to move about freely, to find their voice, to actualize their inherent magnificence. He welcomes a world where women and men stand as equal partners. Humankind.

The awakening man is not externally derived. He is authentically sourced. He does not compare himself to others. He does not adapt his personality to the dictates of the crowd. He stands in his own centre, respectful of others but not defined by them. He works diligently to liberate his consciousness from the egoic ties that bind. He has become his own benchmark, valuing authenticity over image. He is the sculptor of his own reality.

He learns and speaks the language of the heart

The awakening man courageously works on his emotional processes. He clears his emotional debris and sheds his armour. He faces his issues and unconscious patterns heart on. He calls himself on his self-avoidant tendencies and honours the wisdom at the heart of his pain. He communicates his feelings in a way that is respectful to others. He learns and speaks the language of the heart.

The awakening man leads a purpose-full existence. He has heard the call to a deeper life. Not satisfied with survival alone, his ambitions are rooted in higher considerations- the excavation and actualization of his sacred purpose. He is energized by his purpose, not by the machinations of the unhealthy ego. He is coated in an authenticity of purpose that sees through the veils to what really matters. His purpose is his path.

The awakening man is accountable for his actions and their effects. He does not deflect responsibility. He does not sidestep or blame. He is self-admitting and emotionally honest. He admits his errors, and makes amends. He works diligently in the deep within, crafting a more clarified awareness with every lesson.

The awakening man moves from the inside out. More interested in inner expansion than outer achievement, he cultivates and honours his intuition. He explores and develops his inner geography. He adventures deep within, integrating the treasures he excavates into his way of being. He seeks congruity between his inner life and his outer manifestation.

He seeks a sacred balance between the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine

The awakening man seeks wholeness. He is not satisfied with a fragmented way of being. He has no attachment to archaic, linear notions of masculinity. He seeks a sacred balance between the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine. He seeks an inclusive way of being, one that reflects all of his archetypal aspects.

The awakening man embodies the highest standard of integrity in his words and deeds. He makes a sustained effort to work through anything that is not in integrity within him. His framework of integrity is never convenient or self-serving. He honours his word, even at his own expense. He moves from a value system that is unwaveringly incorruptible. He recognizes that success without integrity is karmically unsound and meaningless.

The awakening man prioritizes conscious relationship. He values authentic co-creation. He honours relationship as spiritual practice. He seeks physical intimacy that is deeply vulnerable and heartfully connective. He is attuned, engaged and healthily boundaried. When relational challenges arise, he courageously works through any obstructions to intimacy. He stands in the heartfire.

The awakening man is a warrior of the heart. He has taken his clarifying sword inward, cutting away everything that is not compassionate. After too many lifetimes with weapon in hand, a benevolent warrior is being birthed at the core of his being. He honours the warrior capacity for assertiveness, but he is not arbitrarily aggressive. He moves from love and compassion.

The awakening man endeavours to live in a state of perpetual gratitude. He is grateful for the gift of life. He is grateful for those ancestors who built the foundation that his expansion relies upon. He is grateful for those who encouraged him before he could encourage himself. He is grateful for those who stand beside him in this lifetime. He knows that he does not stand alone.

He is comfortable in his vulnerability

The awakening man is comfortable in his vulnerability. He participates in his own revealing. He is not afraid to surrender- to reality, to love, to truth. This is not a weakened form of surrender, but one that is emblazoned with courage. It takes more courage to surrender than to numb. He openly explores his capacities for receptivity and tenderness. He does not identify these capacities as distinctly feminine, but as whole human. He is strong enough at the core to live in a vast array of emotions.

The awakening man moves through the marketplace responsibly, with a vigilant eye to the ways of the unhealthy ego. He is not opportunistic in a vacuum. He does not compete for competition’s sake. He does not accumulate for the sake of accumulation. In charting his course, he is mindful of his impact on humanity. He is empowered but he does not exploit power. He derives his power from his connection to source, not from power over others. Where possible, he shares the abundance, gifting back to humanity. He works hard to bridge the world as it is with a world of divine possibility.

The awakening man has reverence for Mother Earth. He has reverence for animals. He never imagines himself superior or distinct from the natural world. He understands the interconnected and interdependent nature of reality. He knows that if he does damage to the environment, he does damage to himself. He walks carefully, with awareness, consciousness and appreciation.

The awakening man has no claims on God. His spirituality is tolerant, inclusive, respectful. He honours all paths to God, so long as they are respectful of others. He accepts those who believe, and those who don’t. He condemns any path that uses religious differences as a justification for destruction.

The awakening man brings forward many of the qualities of the healthy masculine of old. He is noble. He is responsible. He is productive. He is kind-hearted. He is protective. He is unswervingly honourable. He is down to earth. He is sturdy. He is flexible. He is realistic. He is hopeful. He is sensitive, not fragile. He is healthily egoic, not self-centred. He is both practical and heightened at the same time. He ascends with both feet on the ground. He is really here.

About Jeff Brown
Jeff Brown, a former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, is the author of the bestselling books Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation and An Uncommon Bond, among other books. He has been interviewed by CNN Radio, appeared on Fox News online, and has written popular inspirations for ABC’s Good Morning America. He is the owner of Enrealment Press and Soulshaping Institute. He is also the producer and key journeyer in the award-winning spiritual documentary Karmageddon.

You can connect with his work at: http://www.soulshaping.com
Find out more about Jeff’s on-line courses, including “Writing your way home: answering the soul’s call”:
http://www.soulshapinginstitute.com/events/writing-your-way-home/

Ingrid Darragh – Awakening Hearts blog

Ingrid Darragh is Spiritual Coach and Author, working with clients worldwide and in her Online Forums and courses & the Author of Divine Love – from Soulmate lessons to Twin flame Reunion, as featured on Hay House Radio and EFT Radio.

Subscribe to Awakening Hearts blog for regular articles and guest blogs.

Pic by Joshua Earle via Unsplash

 

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How to heal from a toxic ex

Many of the clients that I work with 1to1 as a Coach and Emotional healing expert and in my online courses have been affected by a toxic ex.

All break ups are hard, but this one can be particularly devastating, leaving you wondering if you could ever heal enough to consider dating again and building trust in someone again.

Soulmates often bring in the hardest lessons

In her book, “The Soulmate Myth – A dream come true or your worst nightmare?”, Judy Hall describes a soulmate as “A soul companion who helps us to grow….This is the person who applies a spiritual brillo pad to scour our soul to remove the encrustations of karmic and emotional patterning that have prevented us from moving into our full potential”.

My own experiences of toxic soulmate relationships certainly “scoured my soul”. One of them turned into a very emotionally abusive relationship, with a man that acted in a very emotionally immature, selfish, arrogant and judgemental way. He seemed to want his own way all the time, was always trying to get something from me to advance himself in some way (e.g. his career) and was very uncomfortable with me doing well at anything, so he seemed to prefer it if I “stayed small’, as opposed to fulfilling my potential. The person I had been so lovingly committed and loyal to was not a very loving person at all. He was rude and aggressive, was very judgemental of others, extremely materialistic and completely self-centred. He had been through very traumatic experiences in his childhood and never took the time to process and heal from it.

A few years later, as I was studying for my Coaching and healing qualifications, I came across the term “narcissist” and it was a perfect fit.

It took me years to heal from all that happened during that relationship. At a psychic reading around that time, the reader said to me “It is as if you have been so badly hurt, that you have removed your heart, locked it in a box and put it high up on a shelf, so that no one can ever hurt you in that way ever again”. I certainly felt at that time that it would be so much easier to just be on my own, than to open to love again and learn to trust someone again.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

As Dr.Judith Orloff’s tells us in her book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life:

“Narcissists are master manipulators and know exactly how to trigger your weaknesses. They can make you fall in love with them so hard that it feels like you’re giving up a part of your heart to leave them. And they use every manipulation in the book to get you to stay.

On the surface narcissists can seem charming, intelligent, caring—knowing how to entice and lure their way back into your life. But once they reel you back they revert to their egotistical selves.

Their motto will always be “Me First!” Everything’s all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave admiration and attention…Narcissists are so dangerous because they lack empathy, have a limited capacity for unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been shut down due to early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually. Hard as it may be to comprehend, these people have little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them.”

There are various types of narcissist personality disorder – the two main ones are:

  1. Overt narcissists – this is the more obvious one and they tend to be self-centred, me-first attitude, need a lot of attention, often overly focused on ca-reer and material gains
  2. Covert narcissists – this type of narcissist can be shy / more vulnerable, may be introverted and can come across as very charming and likeable

Criteria associated with narcissists can include –

  • Have a grandiose sense of self and tend to exaggerate achievements and see themselves as superior to others
  • Preoccupied with fantasies and delusions – of unlimited success, power, bril-liance or ideal love
  • Believes that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by other special / unique high-status individuals or institutions
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Has a sense of entitlement – unreasonable expectations / expect especially favourable treatment / automatic compliance with his / her expectations
  • They are serial liars, cheaters and thieves (note that it can take time for these behaviours to surface as they are likely to be on their best behaviour in the early stages of dating and getting to know someone)
  • They intentionally exploit others
  • They lack empathy
  • Are unwilling to / unable to identify with the feelings / needs of others
  • Often envious of others and believe that others are envious of them
  • Have very arrogant behaviours / attitudes
  • May be overly focused on their appearance and body (somatic narcissist)
  • Cerebral narcissist – overly concerned with intelligence, IQ and their ego is fed from intellect
  • I would add to this the Spiritual narcissist – seeing themselves as a “guru” and exploit their self-imposed position of power to manipulate, control or even abuse others

Therapy and medication will not help a narcissist. They are not likely to go to therapy as they do not see themselves as having a “problem”.

As they age, they get worse, as they get better at lying and manipulating others.

For more info on Narcissistic personality disorder and clinical diagnosis, please refer to the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM) book.

It can feel like a black pit of giving, in that nothing you give or do is ever enough. They can live a parasitic existence, going from one partner to another, to see what they can get from that person. They may even have more than one partner at a time that they are treating in these ways.

One of my clients was so alert to the typically overt narcissistic behaviours she experienced with her ex-partner (alpha male, overbearing, selfish, bossy etc) that a “covert” narcissist snuck under the radar without her even realising. He was very shy, quiet and gentle and came across as a nice guy and very likeable. However, over time, behaviours began to surface including lying, cheating, very poor financial management (running up debt) as well as alcohol and drug addiction (other addictions may also apply with narcissists, such as gambling, sex addiction including porn and S&M etc) as well as playing the victim and making up bizarre far-fetched stories.

With awareness comes the ability to make more informed choices.

 

www.ingriddarragh.com

 

About Ingrid
Ingrid combines her coaching expertise and spiritual wisdom with compassion and sensitivity to support people to transform pain into power.

Ingrid separated from an abusive partner and healed from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and serious illness whilst navigating life as a single parent. She learned first-hand how important it is to process and heal from deep hurt, betrayal and the emotional pain associated with a relationship/marriage breakdown.

It was her life experience and emotional wounds that led her to train in world-leading energy healing techniques to heal her sacred wounds and create lasting healing and empowerment in her own life and then in the lives of her clients.

Ingrid developed her own Forgiveness Process, as featured in her book Divine Love – from soulmate lessons to twin flame reunion, as well as her own Emotional Equilibrium healing process

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